Sexual Harassment at University: My Story

 Before getting this post under way, I would like to emphasise that I am basing much of my judgement on my own personal situation and am in no way stating that it is universal to every university. I would also like to emphasise that this is a post about the university system, and not a personal attack on the perpetrators of what happened, and for that reason I will not be using real names; despite what happened I no longer hold any animosity towards them. This is a proposition of how I feel the situation can be improved based on the failures of the system which I have experienced, and I would like to say that it has not been easy for me to write this.

I started attending the University of Nottingham just over a year ago, as scared and excited as the next fresher. I have never personally struggled hugely with making friends, and after finding my future flatmates on Facebook and having a stalk to gage that they weren’t serial killers, I was satisfied that they would be fairly normal.

I was wrong about Tim. Initially, I found him kind of funny; he was very outspoken and boisterous and had a lot to say about the world. He started picking on our other male flat mate Sam, who was worlds apart from Tim in terms of personality and interests. After watching his behaviour towards Sam, I realised he was the epitome of everything I had grown to hate at my all girls school: a sexist bully.

His treatment of me began to escalate; he picked at my appearance, my interests and my sexuality. He started teasing me and taking my things. Once him and his friend and partner in crime, Jamie, locked me in his room with them to try and extract information from me on my sexual activity at uni. However everything peaked when he and Jamie unlocked the bathroom door whilst I was showering and watched in hysterics whilst I was screaming and desperately trying to cover my body. He would not let me live it down afterwards, cornering me in the kitchen and constantly mimicking my screams. I had enough.

I thought by going to the university, my problems would be over, but in fact they were just beginning. I told the manager of my block everything, and when she left the room to contact the warden, the lady who was also in the room said to me: “you’re not going to cry, are you?”. Really? It took me a hell of a lot of courage to tell people and you’re telling me not to cry. Okay.

I was next put in contact with the warden and vice warden, of whom I had a series of meetings with. The meetings were incredibly formal and often felt like an interrogation at times. I was pushed to give detail and a perfect account; I was terrified that if I got a part of my story slightly wrong I would get into trouble. I had to get my friends to act as witnesses, for anything official to happen. In the mean time Tim was still in my flat.

After about a week they moved him out; I was in the kitchen at the time and he brought all of his friends with him. I was terrified. Yet the tutors who escorted him did not bother themselves with my well being at all. I heard from friends he was moved temporarily to a studio, I was never officially told anything. Before I knew it he was living in the block opposite me.  I was told he couldn’t be moved further because of ‘contracts’.

A few weeks later I saw he had a new profile picture; a meme with an image of him and text saying ‘lets all go in the shower’. I broke down, called my parents and they told me to go to the warden again; I was reluctant due to the fact that they had shown little regard for my feelings and more towards sorting out the situation officially. This was the first time I had lived away from home, and dealing with it without direct care from the university regarding the impact of the situation on me was a load of hassle which I did not need.

I never officially got told how the situation was dealt with. Instead my mutual friends with Tim were alienated by me and I heard by rumour that the person who posted the picture on Tim’s profile was fined.

I won’t bore you with the other minor details, but after more much toing and froing, I decided to just discuss the situation with the vice warden who, after our meeting where I felt much more empathy than prior meetings with the warden, resolved everything and I did not hear from Tim, or his friends again.

Although the system helped me in that Tim was removed from my flat and was finally kept away, I believe that the huge issue of sexual harassment at university is not in the perpetrators, but the University.

 Firstly, I felt like I was treated almost as a criminal. I was told I had to be the one to gather evidence and witnesses during the issue, all while psychologically I was suffering heavily. Not once was I told about anything that would help me, personally, get over the bullying and harassment that I endured. I received no support from the uni, and when I, and my parents, contacted the warden’s superior complaining about how the situation was dealt with, I was told to go back to the warden.. the man who was causing much of my issues in the first place.

Secondly, Tim and his friends were punished incorrectly for what they did to me. Fines and tellings off had little effect, and only caused their hatred of me to increase. They are products of a culture that taught them that their treatment of me was normal and did not know any different. Although moving Tim was totally necessary, instead of fines and threats, the issue should have been treated at its core: Tim’s sexism and bullyish mentality. I would have been much happier if they’d have had to have taken some sort of course on consent and harassment which may have made them understand the situation. Instead their treatment of me will remain as ‘banter’ and I will stay the girl who, in their eyes, set them up. The potential for something to be gained from a bad situation has been totally lost, and maybe their attitudes will never change. The university has lost out on an opportunity to change their students socially, alongside intellectually, for the better.

I can’t believe how the university handled the situation, and for positive, preventative changes to be made, a change in policy is necessary to stamp out the issue of sexual harassment. This is necessary to not only better the situation for the perpetrators, but also so that the victims can receive the care required to handle the situation, instead of having to fight for their own safety, whilst enduring the issue in silence. Although this is unlikely to be the definitive solution, I feel that it is a huge improvement on what is currently in place.